I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
