Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
