you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
