I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
