yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But theres a keg here and me gusta
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it