It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID