a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
