You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
