You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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