I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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