D3 body, D1 cock
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
