Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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