My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
