i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
