my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
