well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
