the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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