We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
