OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
