Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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