Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
