These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
