My first STD was from a foam party
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
