how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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