This is not my ceiling
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
