shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize