look no pants
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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