Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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