you would pick up someone in the library
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize