It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
