I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
