Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
