Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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