i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
