i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
