I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
