So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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