Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
