he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize