I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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