uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
