I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
