I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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