I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
