My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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