so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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