Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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