Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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