Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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