So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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