i think my tv is drunk
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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