I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
