We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
