R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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