Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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