I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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