Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
