Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
