Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
