DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
