I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
