my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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