He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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