Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize