Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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