No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
